Though we have many more communication channels, with every passing day we read less and less; perhaps because very few have anything significant to say.
Whoever dreamed up Twitter was a genius, not on account of the system itself but the psychological carrot diabolically hidden in its format: Let’s give the masses a tool to hide their ignorance behind 140-character stupidity.
The other day I was forced to attend a conference delivered by the senior editor of a Spanish national newspaper. The man, to flaunt his intellectual funambulism, delivered beauties such as “Life is senseless. Every one of us will die, so let’s be optimistic about it.” Great emetic stuff. (Just in case you’ve forgotten, “emetic,” as explained by the Merriam Webster, is “an agent that induces vomiting”).
Behind the speaker there was a large screen where his helpers pasted tweets delivered by those who followed the conference through the Internet. I thought it was dismal. First because I could have sworn that the Internet followers didn’t exist; someone in the hall could be writing the damn things. Second because nobody could make sense of poorly-written, unconnected and superficial lines. Third because it was distracting for most of the hundred or so writers packing a small hall; it was as if the speaker said: “you’re a bunch of idiots and since your crappy brains can only process 140-character messages, here’s a resume of the conference.” But hey, let’s be optimistic about it.
I must confess that my experience in Twitter is limited to those rare instances when through overindulgence I’d developed a queasy stomach and needed a substitute for fingers in the back of my throat. Though I realize that many people have the urge to share with the world what they had for breakfast and other snippets of their pathetically predictable lives, I can’t stomach the inanity.
There are exceptions, of course, such as an entry by Omar Kamel from El Cairo who posted a snipped I cut, pasted, printed and pinned to my corkboard:
“Note to Self: Don't get caught up in stupid-ass twitter exchanges with stupid-ass idiots who only talk to try to prove they're not stupid.”
I checked Kamel’s profile summary and was rewarded by the description of a man I could be friends with:
“I'm not a total bastard. Under my exterior there’s a nice guy, but yes - under him there’s another bastard. Let’s just say I’m two thirds bastard.”
That he is a “video producer, musician, writer, photographer, and occasional blogger,” explains the exception. http://karmamole.com
The genial Twitter concept has given people the illusion of relevance; like Pavlov dogs, tweeters salivate before their published lines, so powerful, clever and meaningful that they promote answers from other Twitter users.
Think about it. An old adage states that the antonym of love is hate, when nothing can be more inaccurate. Hate is a hairsbreadth apart from love; the object of our abhorrence is always in our minds. The antonym of love is indifference.
If you’re a writer, you have experienced the feeling of utter wretchedness when a query where we’ve poured our best prose only produces a deafening silence. Surprisingly, we’re not hurt from wondering if our letter has it reached its destination or read, or even been deleted unread. No, we hurt because we’ve been ignored.
To witness how a line we’ve written reaches others, and touches them to the point that they answer must be orgasmic. Twitter has given us the means to get rewards without having to do anything, unlike laboratory mice that must choose between two levers to get the cheese: we write, and someone, somewhere, writes back; we’ve touched them: we are meaningful.
I’ve redacted the names, just in case the writers felt their copyright was being infringed, but here’s a sample of meaningful conversation-à-12.
One Is it bad that I didn’t know the titanic was real? Always thought it was just a film
Two Only just found out titanic was real #wtf
Three Nobody told me titanic was real...? How am I just finding this out ?!
Four Wtf I never knew the titanic was real :/ thought it was just another movie I haven’t yet seen...
Five Guys, the Titanic was real! #mindblown
Six I never knew titanic actually happened” it did???
Seven I never knew titanic actually happened
Eight Didn’t know the titanic actually happened :O I thought it was just a film!
Nine I didn’t know titanic actually happened, thought it was just a film #fuck me
Ten I thought the titanic was just a movie. I didn’t know it was real tho.
Eleven The titanic was real holy shit im never going on a cruise
Twelve Fucking hell ive just realised titanic was a real event!!
It saddens me that in their wretched exchange, not one of the writers knew that the Titanic couldn’t happen, or be a movie, or an event. The Titanic is a thing, a substantive; a poorly-designed assembly of steel sheet and mendacity.
But perhaps I’m being harsh, and meaningfulness has a different meaning nowadays:
Mary Is canada connected to alaska? its not right??
John omg ur such a blonde!!! Imao
Sarah that would make sense because theyre both cold!
Mary So its not connected? im so confused?
John how bout u look at a map n find out?? lol
Mary yes it is
Sarah Really? i thought canada was on top of us & alaska was under us?
John mexico is under us. ha… if alaska was under us it wouldn’t be 96% ice and snow. dork
Sarah But the US map shows it under us.
John it just places it there to be part of the US to make the map a rectangle, cause if alaska was on canada it would be a lopsided map. Sure as hell is connected hahah
There goes my last drop of hope for humanity, wasted forever, like the oxygen these writers breathe.
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Michael Keyton Monday, 16 Jul 2012 07:55 AM
Acerbic and by and large true. There are exceptions as you point out. My daughter's tweets are sharp and sardonic and capture a particular moment in time. Frances Keyton is brevity incarnate
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Carlos Cortes Tuesday, 17 Jul 2012 03:35 PM
Ah, but you've cheated. Your argument has the twisted logic of Renaissance diplomats.
Frances Keyton is the offspring of a sharp and sardonic father adept at capturing particular moments in time. I mean, what do you expect?
Your pieces in The Rack are superb, Sire.
Definitely, in the photo you have an uncanny likeness to the author of "The Prince."
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Anonymous Guest Saturday, 21 Jul 2012 09:54 AM
And you are the personification of the Renaissance diplomat, Sir.
Monday, 16 Jul 2012 07:55 AM
Acerbic and by and large true. There are exceptions as you point out. My daughter's tweets are sharp and sardonic and capture a particular moment in time. Frances Keyton is brevity incarnate
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Tuesday, 17 Jul 2012 03:35 PM
Ah, but you've cheated. Your argument has the twisted logic of Renaissance diplomats.
Frances Keyton is the offspring of a sharp and sardonic father adept at capturing particular moments in time. I mean, what do you expect?
Your pieces in The Rack are superb, Sire.
Definitely, in the photo you have an uncanny likeness to the author of "The Prince."
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Saturday, 21 Jul 2012 09:54 AM
And you are the personification of the Renaissance diplomat, Sir.
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