Friday, December 06, 2013
Do you know Canada? I mean, do you really?
By OFW editor:
Published: July 08, 2013
Lucky for those of you that don't, I’m from the North, and no, winter is not coming. Not yet anyway. But some of you (you know who you are) believe that we Canadians are stuck knee-deep in snow and redneckery 365 days a year. Others believe the entire country has six months of daylight too. Sigh. I’ve read a couple of books where the writer is clearly NOT Canadian, and he or she sets part of the story up here. That’s great, but they got their facts all wrong. So, let me give you some interesting Canadian facts that you can use with confidence. All right?
1. The name Canada derives from an Iroquoian word for village, “Kanata.” Early French explorers heard it used to refer to the area near present-day Quebec City.
2. At 3,855,103 square miles, Canada is the second largest country in the world, behind Russia. Second largest, folks. Suck on that.
3. Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth is Canada’s Head of State and the Queen of Canada. But she doesn’t have much say in anything. We just really like her.
4. The east coast of Canada was settled by Vikings around the year A.D. 1000. Archaeological evidence of a settlement has been found at L'anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. I knew there was a reason I’m so partial to those giant, sexy blond boys.
5. Canada has more donut shops per capita than the United States does. Most of them are called “Tim Horton’s.” Yes, this makes us ecstatic. Ain’t nothing better on a subzero morning than a Timmy’s coffee and a box of Timbits, eh?
6. Canadians consume more Kraft Dinner (aka Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, or Crap Dinner, as we fondly refer to it in our home) per capita than any other nationality on earth. We have free health care, so we can afford to load up on that shit.
7. The Canadian government does not count Sunday as Canada Day under the federal Holidays Act, if the 1 July falls on a Sunday then July 2 is the statutory holiday instead. Yep. Federal Holidays Act. There will be no going to church on Canada Day. You’ve gotta have ample time to drink beer, set off explosives and burn to a crisp, and church eats up an entire morning.
8. In the Province of Quebec, many home leases start on July 1 and last for exactly one year. Hence, many people in Quebec spend Canada Day moving their possessions from one house to another. The French never cease to make me go “hmmm.”
9. We Canadians brag about the size of our balls and our fields—football fields that is. And by football I mean football, not soccer. We have one less down and bigger balls than the Americans.
10. Canadians are smart and creative. We invented: Insulin, Telephone, Superman, Standard Time. Apple Pie, Basketball, Ice Hockey, Wonderbra, Egg cartons, Electron Microscope, Trivial Pursuit, SONAR, Walky-Talkie, Snowmobile, Hydrofoil, Manure Spreader, Peanut Butter and Instant Mash Potatoes, but let’s not forget our national dish and the best invention anywhere, ever: Poutine.
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