Menu Items you won’t find at your local McDonald’s

By OFW editor: Renée Miller

Published: July 14, 2013

But they are McDonald’s menu items just the same. No matter where you go on this big bad planet, there always seems to be some type of Americana there somewhere so you won’t miss home so much. Usually this is in the form of fast food. McDonald’s restaurants can be found in the almost every corner of the world. One might think that a foreign McDonald’s would be the same as the one down the street, but no. McDonald’s is concerned with little things like market penetration and profits, and as such, they think logically. That means serving the locals the stuff they love. This produced some interesting foods, and what’s most surprising, is they’ve even gone “native” in restaurants within the United States.

McRice Burger

The McRice burger can be found in Taiwan, Singapore, Indonesia, the Philippines etc. No, it’s not a rice patty on a bun. That’s ridiculous. The rice is the bun, with beef or chicken (or whatever it is that is passed as beef or chicken in the fast food industry) slapped in the middle. People like this because it makes it possible to eat rice with your hands I suppose, and it became really popular. McDonald’s might have considered making it an American menu item but then they realized that there is no way any upstanding American would ever eat rice without beans in it. And a burger is no place for beans.

The KiwiBurger

In New Zealand, McDonald’s introduced the KiwiBurger way back in 1991. It’s since been discontinued…and then rereleased, and then discontinued again. In 2009, the KiwiBurger was tagged for a final cancellation, but I hear you can still find some places that carry it. Apparently its awesomeness will not be ignored. So what’s on a KiwiBurger? Obviously beef, and then tomato, lettuce, onions (so far so familiar), beetroot (um..what?), egg (just like Mom’s) and absolutely no kiwi. What? I know! I guess BeetBurger didn’t have the same appeal as KiwiBurger. I mean, who eats beetroot? But hey, maybe it tastes like kiwi. Yeah, I have my doubts on that.

The McLobster

This isn’t quite so foreign. The McLobster comes from parts of Canada and New England. Yes, you can get a McLobster in my backyard (well, not really my backyward or anywhere clost to it, but it is in my country so we’re close because all Canadians know each other. We’re so small and all) and the States. What is it? Are you new? It’s a lobster sandwich, stupid; made of lobster and bread. There were plans to launch it nationwide, but then I suppose some genius at McDonald’s headquarters figured out how hard it would be to convince landlocked American states that their lobster is really lobster and isn’t like a month old and actually made from anything but lobster. Yeah, so that wouldn’t be good for public relations, right.

Spam & Eggs

From the great island of Hawaii, McDonald’s brings you Spam and Eggs. What the hell is this bullshit now? In 2002, 78 Hawaiian McDonald’s decided that the menu just wasn’t unhealthy enough, so they tested dinner combinations consisting of spam, rice and eggs. Apparently Hawaiians don’t realize that spam is synonymous with pig lips and anus…so they quite like it. Or perhaps they do know and see nothing wrong with eating the anus of another creature. Enlightened? Evolved? No, just gross.

The Mega Teriyaki Burger

The Mega Teriyaki burger from McDonald’s restaurants in Japan sounds fantastic. Who doesn’t love teriyaki? Why don’t they sell them over here? I mean, they’re like the top of the menu in Japan. What is it? Basically it's a Big Mac smothered in sweet, dark, yummerific teriyaki sauce and mayo. God, I must go to Japan. Now.

McSwarama

If you head over to Israel and find a McDonald’s, you must order the McSwarama. You see, due to religious beliefs and customs, these folks just can’t chow down on a Big Mac. The beef, right? It’s a no-no. So McDonald’s, being the culturally adaptable fast food chain that they are, invented the McShawarma . It’s a kosher menu item, consisting of turkey shawarma in pita bread. Sure, it’s still meat and bread, but the difference is the meat is barbecued, not fried, without any of that sweet, heart-shattering McDonald’s fat. Now where’s the fun in that. I don’t see it.

The McCurry Pan

In India the cow is considered holy. So it’s interesting that McDonald’s, as the world’s largest buyer of beef, even set up shop in India. However, they did, and for this market they created the McCurry Pan. This is an original McCreation made especially for the Indian market. What is it? A crispy bread box (aka: a box made out of bread) filled with a creamy sauce of mushrooms, broccoli and peppers (and for you carnivores, there is also a chicken version). My God, that sounds amazing! It’s even made with…real…vegetables. Get out! I know! Why don’t we get real vegetables, McDonald's? No the tomato and that bullshit you pass off as lettuce does not count. Yeah, I really want this one to come to a McDonald’s near me. I’d totally eat the shit out of the McCurry Pan.

Gallo Pinto

Down in Costa Rica, a food labeled as a national dish has to be deeply rooted in the history and culture of the country. It must capture its essence and be treated with the respect it deserves. Well, the Gallo Pinto, Costa Rica’s national dish, is on the menu at their local McDonald’s. The dish is pretty basic: fried rice and beans. The McDonald’s version is served with eggs and sour cream. You feeling it? I’m not. Rice, beans, eggs, sour cream. Blech.

McLaks

The McLaks is from Norway and it’s basically a Norwegian Salmon burger. Back in 1997, I was newly (and stupidly) married, and McDonald’s introduced the salmon sandwich in Norway to some small success. Unlike their usual fish sandwich, the McLaks was intended to be more regional, healthier and lower in fat. You know, to cater to the Norwegians who came to McDonald’s looking for something healthy to eat. What they got was food poisoning. Yeah, it was discontinued.

McWedding

If you’re in Hong Kong with your sweetheart, check out the McWedding. Wait…what? Yeah, this isn't actually something you can eat. McDonald’s actually offers weddings in Hong Kong. The wedding receptions take place in one of their restaurants. The lucky couple and their guests feast on McDonald’s fare like burgers, fries and milkshakes and stacks of apple pie serve as the cake. No, really I’m not kidding.

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