Friday, May 24, 2013
Ten Bizarrre Spirits to Try Before You Die
By OFW editor:
Published: August 01, 2013
With the apocalypse approaching, I’m making bucket lists left and right. One of them…okay, a few of them, are booze lists. The world is full of weird booze out there, and some of it sounds pretty damn tasty. Most of it is kind of disturbing. These sound horrible, but if I’ve learned anything by growing older, it’s often that the most disgusting sounding things are actually pretty fantastic. For example, poutine.
1. Asian Snake Wine
So, you jam a cobra into a bottle, cover it with rice wine liquor and mix in some herbs and shit. Then you let that bad boy ferment for like…a long time. Apparently the venom in the snakes is dissolved in the wine, so it’s like harmless. Except you’re drinking
. Ugh. I want to try this because it’s just so fucking bizarre to me, but then I found
with a bunch of pictures. I don’t know, care to share a tot?
2. Scorpion Vodka
I don’t know about you, but scorpions in vodka just don’t thrill me at all. it thrills me less than the snake wine. But I suppose you find worms in tequila, so scorpions aren’t that…okay it’s weird and scary. Each bottle is “enriched” with a real “edible” scorpion. Edible, eh? Can scorpions live in vodka? Do they breathe? Should I offer the prize in the bottom of the bottle to my guests or will they think I’m trying to kill them? And PS: I’m totally not kidding.
They really make this shit.
This delicious spirit is commonly known as Dominican Viagra. Yeah, it’s got aphrodisiac qualities that are produced by steeping herbs and wood in a base of rum, honey and wine. I can see that you doubt my honesty here.
Yes, it sounds and looks weird, but this drink will be at my apocalypse party.
You know how when you smoke pot, the odor of the smoke hangs around for like days? You don’t? Either do I, but I hear it’s pretty lingering. So if you don’t want to smoke yourself high and get all stinky and obvious, buy some Mary Jane in a bottle. They call it “cannabis liqueur digestif.” Sounds fancy, eh. Where do you find it? In Amsterdam. Where else would it be?
5. Cópil Licor de Tuna
It says tuna, but it’s not tuna. This booze is distilled from cactus pears. And yeah, it’s like a pale, baby-shit green color. Yum. Considering the difficulty involved in picking said pears, I think we all should try this at least once for the sake of all those bloody cactus pear harvesters.
You all love artichokes, right? I mean nothing is more delish, right? Nothing except every other vegetable on the planet anyway. Cynar is named after the Latin term for artichoke,
. It’s a bitter Italian apéritif is made from a blend of 13 herbs and that thorny thistle we all love. The Swiss enjoy Cynar with orange juice, while the French like it in their beer. I suppose it’s one way to get a serving of gross vegetables in, right? I wonder if there is any nutritional value left in an artichoke that’s been fermented into liquor. What the hell, it’s worth a shot. Hey, and it’s totally natural with “rich perfumes.” Hmm.
7. Smoked Salmon Vodka
Smoked salmon is delicious, but smoked salmon as a drink? Oh Alaska, you so crazy with your fish and whatnot. So when would be the right time to drink salmon vodka? Well with Oyster shooters of course. What’s an oyster shooter?
Get ready to tempt your tummy.
8. Root Organic Liqueur
All you nature loving hippies out there, want something that is certified USDA-Organic, but that will still give you the kick in the ass you used to love before you became all organic and wholesome-like? Try Root Organic Liqueur. It’s not rum, not vodka, but it’s still alcohol, distilled from sugar cane and neutral grains. Whatever the fuck neutral grains are anyway. This shit’s got birch bark, black tea, wintergreen, cinnamon, and cardamom in it. (I love saying "cardamom." Go on, try it. Fun, right?) Who really cares about the organic stuff anyway? What matters is that it’s 80-proof. Color me a very drunk hippie.
9. Bakon Vodka
I like my bacon. Actually, I love my bacon. I like vodka too. And the very thought of bacon-flavored vodka makes me all tingly inside. I must try this. Perhaps in a Caesar? Oh my, what a hell of a yummy time that would be. It’s the perfect breakfast liquor.
10. Diesus Amaro del Frate
This one makes me giggle just looking at the bottle. It’s shaped like a headless monk. Diesus Amaro del Frate is a classic Italian aperitivo or digestivo that was created by—no guess. Guess!! Okay, fine it was created by monks. The bitter alcohol is made from a buttload of aromatic herbs, including gentian, cinchona, and mountain thyme, and I only recognize one of those. Now meditating all day sounds like buckets of fun. It all makes sense.
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