Saturday, December 07, 2013
Ten Fictional Bars We Wish Were Real
By OFW editor:
Published: July 17, 2013
Bars are a frequent part of our fictional landscape. You want danger? Add a bar. You want romance? A bar. You want a way to pass the time? A bar. Excitement? You guessed it. But some of these bars have been written so well, that readers can’t help but wish they could visit them just once in reality. Well, as long as we could walk out at last call still breathing and with all of our limbs attached.
1. Fangtasia: Shreveport, from Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse Series
The owner is sexy undead Adonis, Eric Northman. Enough said. I don’t care if the only drink is synthetic blood…or my blood. It’s in me to give anyway, right?
2. The Green Dragon Inn: Location…not sure, from The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien
Hobbits kick ass at drinking. Considering their diminutive size, and how much they can throw back, well us normals don’t hold a candle to the Hobbit drunk. The Green Dragon Inn is a favorite of Frodo and Sam, and a few dozen other hobbits. Imagine, being able to drink pint-sized glasses of ale…wait, half-pint sized glasses, while contemplating destroying
ring and the awesomeness of potatoes. Damn, I wish I could fit through the door.
4. The Iceberg Lounge: Gotham City, owned and operated by Oswald Cobblepot, from Batman
The Iceberg Lounge is the perfect bar for writers. Edgy and anonymous, serving ice cold vodka, neat. If drinking alone is your thing, get yourself to this bar. Also, a chance at seeing Batman? I’ll take it.
3. The Bar at Milliways: Space, from The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
With drinks with names you can’t pronounce sober, and patrons like time travelers, hitchhikers, and paranoid androids, the Bar at Milliways is full of fictional fodder. Also, this bar is so elite, there are only two ways to get in: time travel or the patience of a saint. You could wait eons to get into this place. But imagine once you got in? A glimpse of the end of the universe is worth waiting for. Besides, for a penny you can return to your time so the waiting is like a non-event anyway.
4. Merlott’s: Bon Temps, owned and operated by the sexy Sam Merlott in Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse Series
Another Bon Temps bar? What can I say? Harris is good at writing bar scenes. Merlott’s looks like a redneck haven at first glance, but it’s full of shifters, witches, vamps, telepaths and other supernaturals. Wrap them up in tight denim and little else and I’m sold.
5. The Duke of Duckworth, St. John’s Newfoundland from Republic of Doyle (television series)
This isn’t a novel. I apologize, but I promise, this fictional bar would be the perfect place to let loose. Full of good ole Canadian charm and camaraderie, The Duke of Duckworth welcomes everyone like family…unless you start a fight or commit a crime. Then they send Jake after you. Private Dick Jake Doyle is a regular, and seeing that fine ass just once would be worth the price of a pint or two. If Des happens by, you’re likely to laugh until you cry.
6. The Oblivion Bar: Location unknown, Vertigo world from DC Comics
Located in a pocket dimension caused by the overlap of other dimensions, The Oblivion Bar looks like a dangerous but cool place to check out. It’s described as a place where all the magic types can hang out and unwind without being bothered by the normals or the non-magical super crowd. Drink whatever you’re given and talk to whoever comes your way. Just play it cool and you’re sure to fit in. Plus, almost all the DC comic supers have stopped by at least once. If you happen to sneak into the pocket dimension no one knows about, well, who knows what might happen.
7. The Six Jolly Fellowship Porters from Charles Dickens’ Our Mutual Friend
This bar appears in a short story by Charles Dickens, and it’s not fancy or mod. The Six Jolly Fellowship Porters offers beer and reality. Its patrons are guys who drag dead bodies out of the water and pick them clean. In other words: they rob the dead. The theme of this tale is how money simply buys you more problems. The bar would be worth visiting for those of us who need to come down from fantasy land, because if nothing else, this place is killer at keeping it real.
8. The Titty Twister: From Dusk Till Dawn (film)
Yes, it’s another bar from a film and not a novel, but this bar is seriously badass. Draped in neon with Tito and the Tarantula entertaining you mariachi-style, The Titty Twister not only has an awesome name, it sits on what might be a cursed Aztec temple. Sure, it’s full of horrible dialogue and vampires, but the striptease before the end makes dying a non-issue. And yes, everyone dies at the Titty Twister.
9. The Gold Room at the Overlook Hotel: From The Shining by Stephen King
Sure, the hotel is a bit on the creepy-as-shit side of isolated, but they serve Jack Daniels all night long! Plus, if you’re already half-way to batshit from the hundreds of pages of manuscript you nearly broke your hands to write, then this is the bar for you. The cavernous ballroom is empty, just you and an impeccably dressed bartender that doesn’t more AND he doesn’t charge a cent for that yummy JD.
10. Korova Milk Bar: from A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
The signature drink here is milk, but before you leave because you think milk is for kids, you might want to taste it just once. As drug-laced milk pours from the breasts of mannequin nipples that seem disturbingly life-like, this might be one of the most original re-imaginings of a bar ever written. I’m talking the film version folks, because I sure didn’t get what you see in the film from the book. The décor is part '60s mod and part distant future. Korova is the twisted nightmare of your darkest childhood fantasies. Things that you once considered safe turn into anything but.
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