What is my favorite thing to do on a day off? After sleeping, it’s writing. Most of us mongrel writers have to keep a day job, but sometimes that story is just rolling so well, we can’t focus on work. On those days, you need to get home or else someone might get hurt. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are a few get out of work free excuses that might just do the trick. If an excuse doesn't work, it's not me, it's you. The key is in how you sell it. Put on your acting shoes and get to excusing yourself.
1. I have to pick up my kids.
Okay, so don’t just walk up to your boss and say this. You have to get someone to call you and then you act all panicked. You rush into him or her and say, “I have to pick up my kids!” and it’d help if you did the wild-eyed, lip trembling thing. Obviously if you have no kids, this excuse won’t work.
2. My dog has this rash all over, and the vet wants to quarantine him, but his office closes early today so can I go?
Quarantine works every time. If you don’t have a dog, substitute whatever pet you have…or if you have kids…but you might want to switch vet to doctor, right?
3. I have this rash…
Offer to show said rash and you’re home free.
4. I got my fingers stuck to my ______ with Super Glue.
The key here is committing to the excuse. All right? Put your hand on the body part or object it’s supposed to be stuck to, and commit like you've never committed to anything before. Do not let go for anything. If they try to pull your hand off, scream like an axe murderer hacked off your head. They’ll have no choice but to let you go.
5. My (insert body part here) hurts.
This works amazingly well for the ladies with male bosses. You mention a pain in your lady bits and a guy will be all, “Go! Do what needs to be done. Just don’t tell me anymore.” Otherwise, pick a body part that is either disgusting or random. “My anus is on fire.” is a good one.
6. I have to pick (someone) up at the airport.
Pick someone your boss won’t be able to question later.
7. I have to take (someone) to the doctor
Your mother, your sister, your cat. Doesn’t matter. Make up a believable story and make sure it can’t be checked later. Something like, “My uncle fell off the roof and we think he broke his back, and there’s no one else to take him to the doctor. I’ll come back as soon as I can.” You’ll look so sweet and generous, how can your boss say no?
8. I have an eye appointment and they’re putting those drops in them so I have to wear the old man glasses, and so I won’t be able to work.
Works every time. I swear.
9. I have to go to the police station to give evidence.
And if they ask, you could tell them what’s going on, but then they’d probably get shot or something. Be very vague and ominous. They’ll be all, “Yeah…okay.” as they’re running down the hall.
10. I just got this call…there are fire trucks at my neighbor’s house. I have to take care of something just in case they go to my house.
You might have some explaining to do when you get back, but the look on your boss’s face will be priceless.
What is my favorite thing to do on a day off? After sleeping, it’s writing. Most of us mongrel writers have to keep a day job, but sometimes that story is just rolling so well, we can’t focus on work. On those days, you need to get home or else someone might get hurt. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are a few get out of work free excuses that might just do the trick. If an excuse doesn't work, it's not me, it's you. The key is in how you sell it. Put on your acting shoes and get to excusing yourself.