Writers, you’re all batshit with this online marketing shit. You need some guidelines. Here they are. Read them. Memorize them. Follow them as though your life depends on them. Please, for the love of all that is technical and hard to learn, mind this code as you surf cyberspace.
1. Thou shalt not use that which is copyrighted by another.
Or the cops will be knocking on thine door posthaste.
2. Thou shalt not attack other authors.
Or your readers shall witness your assholery and revolt.
3. Thou shalt not spam friends with emails about thy book, products related to thy book, or any other annoying promotional shit.
For I shall smite them with a click of my mighty mouse, and readeth them not.
4. Thou shalt not spam my Twitter feed with hourly links to thine books.
Lest ye be blocked and reported posthaste. PS: I shall not buy thine books either.
5. Thou shalt not act like a badass or an intellectual in a discussion forum when thou art really a pathetic, pimply-faced fucknut or a desperately lonely housewife with an axe to grindeth.
Tis annoying, and we knoweth what thee is up to.
6. Thou shalt not spill your dirty beans and then click "Reply to all."
Lest thou be remembered as the dumbest and nastiest slut on the block and said email cometh back to haunt you.
7. Thou shall not call thyself by thine own name when “HotWritingMama2325” sounds so much better.
Enough saideth.
8. Remember thine password and keep it holy.
Should ye be hacked and my computer affected because of it, ye shall be blocked from my friends list.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's success.
The rest of the lucky jerks inhabiting cyberspace are not technically thy neighbor, so covet awayeth.
10. Thou shalt never forget to log out of thine Facebook page.
It be profoundly annoying when your immature co-workers or spouse, who cannot spell worth a damn, posteth sexual nonsense in thine name.
Writers, you’re all batshit with this online marketing shit. You need some guidelines. Here they are. Read them. Memorize them. Follow them as though your life depends on them. Please, for the love of all that is technical and hard to learn, mind this code as you surf cyberspace.