No, every writer needs a good cat, a desk cat. Cats are a writers best friend and the best damn writing aid you’ll ever find. Why? There are literally tens of reasons, and I’m listing them for you today. If you’re an unpublished writer without a cat, go get one now. By next year, you probably still won’t be published, but you won’t be quite as lonely or depressed.
Stress reliever
Have you ever petted a cat? No really, have you ever just sat there and petted one of those stinking, purring beasts until it is having a minor kitty orgasm? If you have, you’ve also experienced the miraculous way such an activity removes every ounce of stress from your body. How does this work, you wonder? Well, it’s simple. The energy and focus that once went to the stressful elements in your life is now solely on the razor sharp claws kneading your thigh. Ah, bliss.
Paperweight
Paper is like a cat ass-magnet. Once ass is on top of said paper, the cat will not let those papers go anywhere. Not even if you want them to. Priceless.
Keyboard cozy
A cold keyboard is really annoying and uncomfortable. Cats know this, so as soon as you leave your desk, old Percival is right there, protecting your keyboard with his 400 degree body. When you return, you need only pry him off, mind your hands, and you get a free layer of fur to warm your fingers and tickle your nose. Thanks, Percival.
Lap warmer
You never have to waste a dime in heat again once you own a cat. Mittens will increase your body temperature by at least ten degrees just by sitting on your lap, and remains only mildly in the way of the keyboard.
Unconditional tolerance
Cats like authors. Probably because we prefer to ignore things as they do. While cats don’t love anything but their balls and your bare feet, they do provide unconditional tolerance like no other being on Earth. Not even your mother tolerates your weirdness like your cat will.
Procrastination tools
Watching a cat is possibly the most perfect way to avoid writing. Every writer needs a method of procrastination and Twitter fries brain cells. Much better to get a cat.
Eco-Friendly
Cats are solar powered. Enough said.
Organizational Tool
That desk has been covered in crap for years. One day with a cat and your desk will be miraculously cleared… save for the giant ball of fur lying across it. But your paperwork will find a new home…on the floor, which really you weren’t putting to its best use anyway.
Inspiration
It’s hard to find good ideas unless you sleep. Sadly, night sleep just doesn’t seem to inspire fantastic ideas. If it does, we don’t seem to remember them as well as mid-afternoon ones. Am I right? Well some folks have trouble just nodding off in the middle of the day, but with a cat, this problem is solved. Like a natural sedative, a cat purring on your belly will send you into dreamland instantly. When you wake, you’ll probably be inspired. If not, at least you got a nap. Naps are good for you.
Reality Check
Writers are notorious for our ginormous ego trips, which cause a lot of problems and poor decision-making. If you’re worried your ego might get the better of you, just spend some time with a cat. You’ll remember how insignificant you are in minutes.
Tuesday, 28 Aug 2012 11:12 AM
Dogs give you unconditional love and cats give you...unconditional tolerance?
One more reason to stick with dogs.
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Tuesday, 28 Aug 2012 07:23 PM
Haha. Yeah, I suppose. I'm a blend. I like my cats some days, my dogs the others. I suppose it depends on my level of self-esteem.
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