Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Ten Reasons Every Writer Needs a Dog
By OFW editor:
Published: September 05, 2013
Okay, so we went through how useful a cat can be to a writer, now it’s time to tell you all about the wonderful ways that dogs can help us. I am both a dog and a cat person, depending on the day and the alignment of the stars, so I know this shit. Dogs are a writer’s best friend, and sometimes more reliable than cats for that all-important emotional support. So, here are ten reasons every writer should get a dog.
1. Health aid.
Your dog forces you to take a break. If you don’t, well bye-bye nice carpet and hello chewed shoes. Breaks are good for us, and having to take Rex out or feed him, or just scratch his ears is good for our health and our sanity. Thanks, boy.
2. Desk-ass preventer
One can’t just stick a box of dirt on the floor and expect a dog to be content. Dogs need exercise, and we have to participate in said exercise. This is good, although somewhat annoying, because nobody wants desk-ass. It’s the worst kind of ass to have; kind of fattish, but flat in one place. It jiggles a little when you walk, but not in a sexy J-Lo way. Not sexy at all.
3. Unconditional love.
Dogs love you when the entire world thinks you’re a piece of shit. Hell, Spot will love you when you hate you. That unconditional love (even if you forget to feed him from time to time) sure does a soul good.
Sure you’re sick of rejection and that last reviewer can suck your ass, but just when you’re thinking about giving up on this publishing bullshit, Fido comes and stares at you with “that look.” One look into those eyes and everything seems possible again, no? Sure, he’s probably trying to tell you that the cat just pissed on your favorite shirt, or that the garbage is no longer in the can, but that moment of hopefulness is worth it.
5. Emotional trainer
Dogs teach you a lot of emotions, which you can later convey in your writing. Which ones? Let’s see, there’s love, forgiveness, loyalty, loss, friendship, anger, frustration, despair, resignation…but mostly they teach you the good ones. Mostly.
6. Stress reliever
Dogs make everyone silly. Even my dad, the most “manly” guy I’ve ever seen, turns into a high-talking retard in the presence of his little Daschund/Chihuahua. This unabashed silliness is one of the best ways to relieve stress.
7. Attitude adjuster
Nothing brings the ego back down to size faster than cleaning poop or vomit from the carpet…or having to pull a bra strap from your "best friend’s" ass because he can't stay out of the laundry. Oh the horrors I have seen, and the humbling I’ve endured.
8. Foot warmer
Nothing says cozy like a dog on your feet. Plus, if you can’t afford that heat bill, your dog will keep you warm on those cold winter nights. However, letting him on the bed opens a world of problems. Just a warning.
Need to hammer out an idea or a problem? Talk to your dog. They are amazing conversationalists. No, you don’t need to speak the same language, just talk or bark, or whatever works for you.
Lost for ideas? Hit a wall? Go spend some time with a dog. Toss the ball around, walk to the park, just focus on old Otis for a while and you’ll find the solution to your problem. It’s almost like magic, and nearly always occurs as you’re scooping shit into a bag.
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