Saturday, May 25, 2013
Ten Reasons to Leave a Relationship (and their counter arguments).
By OFW editor:
Published: September 11, 2013
The only thing I love more than whiskey is writing. Coming in at a close third, though, is playing devil’s advocate. It’s true. Stirring-Up-Trouble is my middle name (that “Lee” on my birth certificate is just a pesky placeholder). Psychology Today released an article with the above title, minus my parenthetical additive. Below are my counters for their reasons. Use them in your next word duel, be it real life or character dialogue.
I wasn’t beating her, I was teaching her. The bitch used a double negative four times in the same breath. So, I smacked her once for each time. What was that study? With the dog and the bell and the food? Behavoiral science says that the beatings will train her to not be such a dumbass and, by extension, a greater contribution to society. Jail time? Pfft. I deserve the key to the city.
The thing is, the definition of fidelity is so different depending on who you ask. Accusations of such an act are not only inaccurate, but painful to all parties involved. Besides, I saw you making goo-goo eyes at the television when Anderson Cooper was on, so let’s just talk for a moment about who was doing the eye-fucking.
I don’t care how well your spinach quiche went over at the annual luncheon. You don’t care how many people laughed at the pharmacist joke I discovered. Why keep up the charade? You keep to yourself, I’ll keep to mine, and our paths will cross when one of us gets horny. Deal?
Dating or married to a writer or some other artistic type? Then this is common practice and there’s no reason to add it to your list of worries. Shelve is under “not my fucking concern” and have a nice day.
It is not normal for a couple to go through life without arguing. If you can’t remember the last time you got so white-hot pissed at each other that you contemplated throwing your mother-in-law’s coveted Faberge egg at your significant other’s face, then one of you is a door mat and the other is a chronic liar. Let it fly. You’ll be grateful for the angry sex that follows.
Your partner won’t go to counseling
If your girlfriend suggests counseling after your first big argument, THEN you should run like crazy.
Not being nice
I am not a nice person. I won’t hold the door open for you, I definitely won’t give you the cab I just waved down, and the sight of a baby dribbling its milky dinner from the corner of its mouth does not make my uterus spasm with longing. And yet, my girlfriend willingly comes home to me on a regular basis.
When someone won’t accept your children or pets.
Is your kid an asshole? Seriously. Put aside your “my kids are the best specimens to ever walk the planet” mentality and asses the reality. If the answer is yes, then thank the gods they just dislike your kid inwardly.
If your partner says they want to leave, and there’s nothing you can do or say, it’s over.
Not to get technical here, Psychology Today, but if that happens, they’ve already left you. You don’t get to scream at them as they leave, “No! I’m leaving YOU!” Because that’s just pathetic.
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