Friday, December 13, 2013
Ten Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee
By OFW editor:
Published: August 29, 2013
Many of us work long hours to pay the bills, and then put in longer hours to write. All of these hours lead to limited time for sleeping. A tired writer is no good, so thank heavens we have coffee. I’m definitely addicted. I drink coffee all day long. Pots of it. Yes, I’m a shameless addict. But I also know the signs that I've had way too much coffee. Sometimes I need an intervention, but usually I can get a handle on it by myself. Caffeine rehab is ugly and mean, so take heed when I say you should stop if you notice any of these things happening.
1. You get a speeding ticket
…and you haven’t even left the driveway.
2. You grind the beans with your teeth
This is a bad sign. Also, they’re a bitch to get out of your teeth.
3. You find yourself licking the spoon.
Just to get every last drop of that caffeine-laced goodness. Try a cookie instead. It’s not quite as weird as spoon-licking.
4. The nurse can't count fast enough to check your pulse
Seriously, you’re probably going to die soon.
5. You can type 100 words a second.
While this is handy, it’s not a good sign if the words you type make no sense.
6. You have a lip groove on your favorite mug.
This is why I have three favorite mugs. When these get lip grooves, I know it’s time to check into rehab.
7. You drink instant coffee while waiting for your coffee maker to produce the good stuff.
I know the coffee maker takes way too long, but try to exercise some self-control. Sometimes the waiting makes it that much better.
8. You named your kids “Starbucks” and “Maxwell.”
They are going to hate you later.
9. You can jumpstart your car without cables.
This is not normal or healthy. Enough said.
10. Your zombie apocalypse survival kit contains two bags of frozen coffee.
If your apocalypse survival kit had to be “modified” to include said coffee, you have a problem…although it would make you almost as popular as the guy who replaced his antibiotics with whisky.
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