Saturday, May 25, 2013
Ten Things That Will Get Your Book Banned
By OFW editor:
Published: September 16, 2013
You might also call this Ten Things You’ll Find in Any Book Worth Reading, but hey, I’m immoral and whatnot, so perhaps I’m biased.
Because if you don’t read about sex, you won’t have sex, because you won’t be thinking about it. Yeah. That sounds right.
Nobody decent reads about drug use. You know that, you hooligan.
Because any fucker that swears is going straight to Hell.
Neck punching, eye-stabbing, ball-kicking and head-shooting are not good. Not good at all.
Want a guaranteed ban? Discuss religion in a non-popular way. You know, like question God’s existence or call Catholics big fat liars and such. (Not that I'm saying God doesn't exist or that all Catholics are liars. Hold onto your death threat, all right?)
It doesn’t seem to matter how you approach this one. If you try to introduce the redneck-type whites to the point of view of another culture, you’re banned. If you criticize a race other than your own, you’re banned. If you try to shed light on the oppression of a particular culture, whether it’s yours or someone else’s, you’re banned. The race card is a dangerous one to play.
7. Crazy ideas
Ideas are the cause of mankind’s moral decline. Stop having them at once!
Do not ever, EVER, write anything anti-political-party-in-power. You will die. Or at the very least, your book will be banned from schools.
Crime doesn’t pay. Unless you’re really good at it. Writing about it might make someone good at it, and we can't have that.
Basically, if you stay away from anything that might be considered fun by anyone in the world, your book is pretty safe. Your readers might want to slit their wrists due to the overwhelming boringness of your books, but hey, it’s their wrists. As long as they paid for the book, what do you care?
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