We all like to joke about how writers are crazy, but most of us are dangerously sane. I say dangerously because, a good writer needs a healthy level of insanity to keep up with the crap in her head. However, we can’t let insanity take control. So, how does one let enough crazy in to be creative yet still able to mix with the normal? Easy, you give some of your crazy to the rest of the world. To put it more simply, mess with their heads.
1. Make up nicknames for everyone.
Refer to people only by these nicknames and don’t explain them. Not even if they beg. The more absurd the names, the better, but try to link the name to one of the person’s traits so you can remember them easily.
2. Each week choose a different friend to whom you will text exactly what you’re doing.
“Going to the bathroom.”
“At the store. In line to pay. Girl in front of me picked her nose.”
“Just picked my nose.”
If they ask why you’re sharing these things, just say, “Better safe than sorry.”
3. Color the soles of your shoes.
If you have white rubber bottoms, you can use a hi-liter marker to do this. If not, use brightly colored tape. Try to avoid explaining it, but if someone asks, tell them you don’t lose them nearly as much since you did this. Want to bet at least one person does the same thing?
4. When someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries.
Then go on as though you said nothing.
5. Each day pick a trigger word.
Anytime someone says that word, say “Who?” Don’t explain. They will repeat themselves.No matter what you ask.
6. Fake an irrational fear of something common and mundane.
Like staplers, pens or bread. Hilarity will ensue. Promise.
7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks.
Once everyone at work or home has sufficiently recovered from their caffeine withdrawal, switch back...or serve espresso.
8. Speak in rhyme.
Don’t rhyme everything you say. Instead form your replies to rhyme with what’s said to you. Do it for an entire day. First, it’s always interesting to see how long it takes someone to notice. Second, it’s just fun to play with words.
9. When asked to do something, do the exact opposite.
Your friend asks you to stop by at 6pm, show up at 6am. Your spouse asks you to pick up milk, come home with bread. Your kids ask for grilled cheese for lunch, give them peanut butter. (Unless they’re allergic. That would be irresponsible. Go with bologna or something.) If someone says something, calmly say, “But you said….” and stick to it.
10. Stroke people.
This sounds odd, and it is, but it’s really fun. When someone’s talking to you, run a hand down their arm or back. Just one time. Then carry on as though nothing happened.
“Just picked my nose.”
8. Speak in rhyme.