Saturday, June 22, 2013
Ten Comebacks to Suit Every Asshole
By OFW editor: Renée Miller
Published: August 04, 2013


I love putting a sarcastic asshole in everything I write. Sometimes he gets a small part, other times he’s the protagonist or a despicable villain. The hallmark of a brilliant asshole is snappy comebacks and insults. Here are a few for the assholes in your life—I mean, your writing.

 
1. Well, there's an hour of my life I can never get back. Thank you so much for wasting it.
 
2. So pressing the button more than three times either puts the elevator in hurry mode or it makes you a fucktard. Which is it?
 
3. It’s okay, even morons like you are good for something. You make everyone smile as you fall down the stairs.
 
4. If a stranger offers you some candy, please be sure to take two.
 
5. I pretend to work. You pretend to pay me. I thought that was the agreement.
 
6. I think we could be friends but only if you'd stop breathing.
 
7. I think you need to practice random acts of intelligence & self-control.
 
8. You do realize that the Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat, right?
 
9. Bend over. I think the aliens forgot to remove your probe.
 
10. Oh, I didn’t tell you about that? Well, I must have forgotten because it was none of your damn business.

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